No, I’m not back full time and I’m not sure if I ever will be. Just trying to actually post some art I’ve done lately as it’s nice to be back into drawing again. Was pretty down about my art and skills earlier this year, being frustrated that I couldn’t figure stuff I wanted to do out (which in turn made me not want to draw or even be on a computer at all). The thing is, it’s not a case of lack of practice or anything like that. I was born with amblyopia in my left eye and even though it’s subtle, it’ enough that I have bad depth perception and constantly struggle with achieving depth and correct perspective in drawing. In real life, you probably wouldn’t even notice, but in a photo, if I’m looking straight, my right eye’s looking straight, and my left is looking slightly to the left and down. This is also why my art has such sharp contrast in lighting.
It’s also something I’ve kept to myself forever as I already felt stupid enough with my dyslexia, which I swear kills me when I talk to someone, esp on the internet where people can’t see your facial expressions or hear the tone of your voice. It’s like you try so damn hard, but you can never properly get your thoughts out right, and everyone thinks you meant something else and just ARGH!!!! I always just feel like I’m better off not talking at all, yet I still try so hard, so desperate to hold on to something. And it’s all stuff I’m stuck with and can’t fix. Just so frustrating.
But on a positive note, people have given me such encouragement to keep on doing art despite there are things that I will never be good at or understand. When someone told me that my art brightened up their absolute horrible day and gave them a reason to smile, it meant the world to me. That even though it may not be great, it can bring cheer and warmth.
So yeah, besides that, I also described Tumblr as being junk food to me, like it’s something you like and you enjoy what you see, but it’s not the best for you. Basically it’s my OCD about feeling like I’m wasting time. So instead of scrolling through, I should be using this time more productively.
So sorry for the long post, but it felt good to vent out a bit on my frustrations. Just to be clear, I want to ensure everyone that I am not depressed or anything like that, more like rage throw chair out of window due to frustration.